Q: Where is the very worst place you could have a panic attack?
17 July 2004, 02:34
If you answered, “Punt Road during Peak Hour” you’d be RIGHT! 50 points and a free ticket to the Funny Farm for you.
The last time I had a panic attack was back in ‘Nam, after a particularly potent “cigarette” which, to this day, I swear was spiked with something entirely unrecreational. It was 1997 and I had about 2 months of sporadic attacks after that particular ciggie and nothing since.
But yesterday I spat the dummie big time. I was meant to be following Matt to South Melbourne (the other side of the river, so frankly, I was a bit nervous). It was 7pm. I was sitting at the traffic lights near Punt and Swan Street. In the middle lane. I fucking hate the middle lane but had to be there ‘cos Matt was in the far right. My stomach and heart skipped a sudden simultaneous beat.
Next thing I knew, my legs and arms started shaking and I couldn’t feel my fingers. My brain went all purple and orange with pink spots. I couldn’t move. I started bawling uncontrollably and managed to call Matt while the light was still red. With such a lack of feeling in my limbs, I thought I may have trouble speaking. But. No.
“I’m having a fucking panic attack! I can’t do this! I can’t do this! I don’t know what to fucking do. FUUUUUUUUUUCK.”
Poor husband. He said “Turn left as soon as you can, sweetie.”
“TURN LEFT? TURN LEFT? SOB. I’M IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE LANE! ICAN’TTURNSOBLEFTORILLHAVEASOBFUCKINGACCIDENT!”
I have no idea how I turned down that little backstreet. I’m still amazed I didn’t just sit there in a stupor, waiting for the Funny Farm to scrape me out of 3 lanes of mega-traffic.
Thank god for husband.
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