The Great Debate
31 August 2008, 08:20
Mem Fox slams parents who leave newborns in care
I’m not really going to enter into this debate (ha ha – tricked you), as it’s probably one of the more heated topics amongst mums. My theory and you can disagree with me here, is that everything in moderation. There are pros and cons of sending your child to childcare, there are pros and cons of having them at home with you 24/7.
Mem is a children’s author, and a resoundingly popular one at that, so what she says is widely quoted. People listen. Mums listen and feel the critique acutely. Thankfully I’m not without confidence in my own parenting (well, since Scout was about 2 anyway – for some reason it got much easier once she started talking) so I can accept what Mems’ saying without feeling the sting. What Mem is not is a child psychoanalyst and to that end she should probably be keeping her “expert” opinions to herself.
What I will agree with Mem here is that putting babies of a few weeks old into care is awful. Awful. My question is – at what age does your child become “acceptable” to put in creche?
I put Scout into care for 3 days a week when she was one year old (she’s in 4 days now). Was that too young? I felt guilty for a couple of weeks, then I got over it, because I have to say our relationship improved because my sense of wellbeing improved. I’m not cut out for 24/7 care of a child. I really wish I were. But I love my career. I love my daughter and I need both. I have both. Scout is in wonderful care with women who adore her and sing her praises. She loves her creche – and did pretty much since she got there. If she were in sub-standard care or were the type of child who struggled to settle in such a setting I’d revisit that in a heartbeat.
But I want to be a good role-model for Scout – and send her the message strongly that just because she’s female and decides to have kids doesn’t mean she can’t have it all. Career and Family if that’s what she wants. Unfortunately, access to centre-based care is often necessary to facilitate that balance.
I accept that this may be a bourgeois attitude, but our family is thriving.
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